Dear Queenie,

  My father died several years ago and my mother began dating again recently. The last time I was at her house I discovered that she had taken down all the pictures of my father and put them away.

  I think she should put them out again. She says they make her new boyfriend uncomfortable and I can have the pictures and put them out in my house if I want to. I find this disrespectful to my father’s memory.

  Queenie, who is right?—Angry daughter

Dear Angry daughter,

  There used to be a custom called “suttee” whereby a Hindu woman was expected to throw herself onto her deceased husband’s funeral pyre and be burned to death along with his corpse. Is that what you think your father would have wanted your mother to do? Or would he have wanted her to get on with her life and be happy for however much longer she lives?

  This has nothing to do with your mother’s memories of your father. She is getting on with her life and showing the same respect for her new man’s feelings that I am sure she showed for your father’s when he was still alive.

  I’m sure she doesn’t need pictures of your father staring her in the face to remember him and her life with him. If you do, or if seeing the pictures will give you some comfort, accept her offer. But don’t expect her to commit suttee just to make you feel better.