Dear Queenie,

  My best friend has never said “no” to her little boy. As a result the kid is pure hell to have around. When they visit my home he throws things around and breaks them, jumps on the furniture and treats my pets the same way if they can’t escape him.

  If I take things away from him or rescue my pets and put them outside he throws a tantrum and waits until I can’t see and them goes after them again. His mother totally ignores his behaviour. I have seen him treat other children the same way he treats my pets.

  Some of our other friends even have stopped seeing this friend because they can’t stand the way her son behaves.

  I wouldn’t let my children act this way and my friend has seen the way I discipline them, but doesn’t take the hint. I don’t want to tell my friend how to raise her child because I know it would offend her, but somehow this child has to learn how to behave.

  Queenie, what can I do?—Fed up

Dear Fed up,

  There used to be a toothpaste commercial that said, “Even your best friend won’t tell you” that you have bad breath. I always thought a true friend would tell you what you really need to know, even at the risk of offending you. I know I would be grateful for such information, but of course others often do not see it that way.

  That said, it seems plain that this child is crying out for his parents to set limits for him. You will have to decide which you consider more important, the child’s wellbeing or your good relationship with his mother.

  If you decide to speak up, try to be tactful, but point out that your child and your other friends’ children do not behave this way because such behaviour is not acceptable and their parents do not permit it, and that it is up to her to teach her child how to behave. You could also explain that her child’s behaviour is the reason she has lost so many of her friends.

  Or you can keep silent and wait until the child enters school. For sure the school authorities will not accept such behaviour and will make it plain to your friend that her son needs discipline, and perhaps even psychological counselling.